Holding Both: Motherhood, Leadership, and the Space In Between

Where two missions meet: leadership and motherhood.

One of the biggest myths we’re told — subtly or explicitly — is that we have to choose: career or family. Ambition or presence. Leadership or motherhood.

But what if we never had to choose at all?

As I approach my four-year mark at Lumos, I’ve found myself reflecting — not just on my career, but on my identity. I have been meaning to share something about my return from parental leave for months, but like many working moms, I hadn’t quite found the headspace. Then, during a conversation with our CEO, Andrej, something shifted.

He asked me a simple but powerful question: “What’s next for you?”

Lately, every decision I make comes back to one thing: Tadhg, my son. I want to build a life filled with opportunity, joy, and stability for him. I want to be the best mom I can possibly be. That’s the mission that matters most to me right now.

But in that moment, Andrej reminded me of something I had forgotten:

“Don’t forget what your mission was before you became a mom. That mattered deeply to you too.”

And he was right.

Before motherhood, I had a different mission — one that gave me purpose and shaped the way I showed up at work: to be an example for women in tech. To show what leadership could look like — and who it could look like. But somewhere in the rhythm of Zoom meetings, diapers, deadlines, and bedtime routines, I had stopped holding that part of myself with the same intensity.

So, what if we never had to choose at all?

Where My Identities Meet

That conversation helped me see what I’d been living all along — that motherhood and leadership aren’t competing forces. They’re two parts of who I am. And when I structure my life with intention, both can thrive.

Motherhood hasn’t pulled me away from leadership — it’s made me better at it. It didn’t dilute my ambition — it refined it.

It’s deepened the very feminism that first drew me to this path: the belief that women deserve to pursue whatever they want, without apology. I love working. I love building. I love lifting other women in the workplace. And I want Tadhg to see that you can show up fully for your family and for yourself.

But showing up for both doesn’t happen by accident — it happens by design.

My mornings now begin at 5:30am — not to get ahead on work, but to get in “me time” before Tadhg and I’s daily morning bottle and walk and the day actually begins. At 5:30pm, I log off for what’s become a sacred block in my calendar: “Mom Time.” But that boundary wasn’t always there. It took a week of not being there to put him to bed — and the emotional toll that made it clear something had to change.

I’ve removed Slack and Gmail notifications from my phone. I close my laptop at the end of the day — and actually shut it off, mentally as well as physically. When people ask “what surprised you most about motherhood?” This is it. How freeing it felt to stop living in two places at once.

Ironically, those boundaries haven’t held me back — they’ve made me sharper. I’m more focused during the hours I’m on, more intentional in how I delegate, and more trusting in the strength of my team. I’ve mentored others to grow into new roles and learned to fiercely protect my time without guilt. Most importantly, I’ve let go of the myth that I have to do it all — and by modeling that openly, I hope I’ve given others permission to do the same.

The Power of Voice

I no longer feel the need to hide my boundaries or soften them to make others more comfortable. Motherhood gave me the courage to say no — and the clarity to see that setting limits isn’t a weakness. It’s leadership.

It also reshaped how I think about how we lead. It’s showing, not just saying. That boundaries aren’t barriers — they’re foundations. That presence, not overextension, is power. You don’t have to work 100 hours a week to be successful — you just have to be 100% dedicated during the hours that matter, and unapologetic about protecting the rest. Don’t get me wrong - there will be some long nights; but they come after bath time and on occasion.

When I think about what it means to be an example for women in tech today, it’s no longer just about being the only one on a Zoom call who looks like me. It’s about using the voice I have to lift others — and creating the conditions for more voices to be heard.

More than anything, I want Tadhg to grow up in a world where leadership doesn’t mean doing it all alone — but making space for others to rise with you.

To Other Women Walking This Path

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: voice what you need. Speak up — even when it feels uncomfortable. Even when it goes against what’s expected.

Say what matters to you — even if it’s not what seems to matter to everyone else. I chose to split my maternity leave into two phases, not because it was typical, but because it was right for my family. That wasn’t selfish — it was advocacy. Advocacy for the people and parts of your life that can’t speak for themselves.

So if you’re walking the same tightrope — between motherhood and leadership, between ambition and presence — I hope you remember this:

You don’t have to choose one.

You just have to give yourself permission to be all of it.